I do not speak in the morning, nor do I acknowledge others, until I have at least one large mug of coffee in my gullet. Then, I attack the critical decisions for the day – do I take a real shower or do I wash myself from head-to-toe from the bathroom sink? Can I find a pair of socks to match the pants I plan to wear today, or do I have to go into that dark dryer place to find them? My mornings have not been pleasant.
One thing I have found that helps my morning gloom is very funny jokes, so I have several websites that I can visit and find jokes of the day – jokes that often make me actually laugh out loud without the whole coffee mug emptied.
I can then share these hilarious jokes – on Facebook and with co-workers. In fact, it has now come to the point that my “followers” insist upon my funny short jokes every day, and, if I should miss a morning, they are angry.
Over time, I have developed a repertoire of the funniest jokes ever (in my opinion, of course) and will share them with you, dear reader!
Choose the paper you need
Put as much detailed instructions as you can
The most appropriate writer is assigned
Download the completed paper
- Two blonds walked up to the bar, announcing that they were there to celebrate a huge accomplishment. The bartender asked, “Well, what did you accomplish?”
“We put together a puzzle in two hours that said ‘3-6 months’ on the box!”
- The Polish ambassador to the UN announced that his country would be sending a manned space ship to the sun. “You can’t do that,” everyone screamed, “You’ll burn up!” “No we won’t,” he replied, “We are going at night!”
- What has 8 arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking Bud and watching a football game!
- Why have Democrats stopped drinking? It interferes with their suffering!
- Guy: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.”
Girl: “Is that you or the beer talking?”
Guy: “It’s me talking to my beer.”
- Woman, showing a friend a new tablet, “Look what I got for my husband?”
Friend: “Looks like a pretty good trade!”
- The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
- How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go ride our bikes!
- Last night I almost had a threesome – I only needed two more people!
- How do you get a sweet little old lady to say the “F” word? Have some other little old lady yell, “Bingo!”
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you don’t need ti.
- My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company
- A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper says, “Oh, you have a drink named Gary?”
- Unexpected sex – it’s a great way to wake up…if you are not in prison!
- Sometimes during the weekends, I drink some water – just to surprise my liver.
- On a blind date, the gal and guy were sharing information. The guy said, “Once, a genie appeared and said I could have one wish – a longer penis or a better memory.”
“Which did you choose?” said the gal.
“I can’t remember.”
- I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid – I thought you already knew it.
You probably have some better than these, but that’s kind of what it’s all about – sharing jokes everywhere is just more fun than griping and complaining!